Chad_8_Q
From Ch. 8, p. 187: "To listen is to bear witness and validate someone's fear, sadness, or anger at injustice in a way that allows the individual to move past these paralyzing emotions and regain their power and will to act anew."
An idea Simmons introduces later is that listening necessarily involves silence, too, to a certain degree. The listener shouldn't feel like he has to advise or fix his companion. To be there with open ears is enough.
Often I have ignored opportunities to listen in this way. It can be hard to listen to old people reminiscing about times I can't relate to. It can also be hard to listen to trusted friends on the phone, when I'm free to mess around the house while paying only partial attention to the phone conversation.
I'm curious: What are some listening opportunities you all feel like you regularly pass up?
Labels: Chad
posted by Chad @ 1:22 PM
4 comments
4 Comments:
I personally have a hard time shutting my mouth and not throwing my two cents in. This situation sort of takes me away from listening whole-heartedly and puts me in a place where I listen to bits that I can comment on. I also have a hard time listening completely when there are distractions such as a television involved. I like the pretty glowing box. Another opportunity I pass up is listening to someone when I'm taping an interview with them. I fade in and out because I start thinking about the question I'm going to ask next or possibly how I'm going to edit the piece together, and I feel safe in knowing it's all on tape and I can watch it again later. However, if I listened better I might be able to get a little more out of the interview. Don't get me wrong, I always look like I'm totally listening, but really I'm not completely there. This also makes me think of when I'm in a car with my dad and he's talking about work. He likes to get really technical and explain in full detail every aspect of what he went through to fix the piece of equipment he was working on (he's an electrician and in his retirement he now works at a shop repairing machine motors). I know he doesn't get the opportunity to talk a lot with people such as my mom or my sisters so I make an effort to ask him about work and what not because I know he's totally interested in what he does. But for the life of me, I have yet to be 100% committed to any conversation we have about these things. I try really hard but I still zone out at least for a few seconds. He sees me as listening though, and I think this is a positive for him. I do think I'm missing out on something by not committing more fully to him. Good question to ask, Chad.
I feel guilty when I brush off my sons. It usually involves them talking about something I don't care about. My youngest is at that stage now. At 11 he finds his fantasy football team and his games on Madden important. I really don't. I told him that I love to hear what he is doing and what happened to him...in real life, just don't talk to me about video games. While that's how I feel, it also makes me wonder what he is hearing.
Maybe I am passing up some good listening opportunities?
I zone out on my fiance on a pretty regular basis. He works third shift so we have really different schedules. He gets home from work at 7am and likes to wake me up to tell me how his night went. To say that I am usually less than receptive during these chats would be generous, but I feel I'm a little justified.
The thing that kills me is the evenings when he's awake before he goes to work. I work the best at that time of night so I'm usually reading or writing. I do try to listen to him, but it is pretty much impossible to listen to him and pay attention my work at the same time. It's not until later, usually when I'm headed for bed, that I realize that he's gone for the next 9 hours and I won't get to talk to him until the next night because he'll be asleep or at class all day. There's nothing like a giant blanket of guilt and regret smothering you in the dark.
My brother. I never have been able to connect to him. I blame the fact that I am 23 and he is only 15. I am starting to feel that it maybe the fact that when he started to tell stories i was in middle and high school and didn't care at the time. Maybe I need to try to listen to him more now.
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